Counting down is making the D-day seems further and further away. Even strangers on the street can tell from my facial expression and body language that "I can't wait for my baby to come". I have been getting this comment from strangers lately. It's weird and yet exciting.
Being pregnant is a joyous thing but also a difficult task as the process involved major physical changes and emotional instability. I have to talk myself over to accept these comments like "You are Big!", "How come you are so fat?" "Did you wife become uglier during her pregnancy?" "Why you walk with your legs apart?" "Why you look so......" Well, to be honest, it is really not easy to accept all these harsh comments. They just made me feel depressed sometimes. Other than these comments, the "everlasting" marks keep on expanding from the inner tummy to the outer ring. My staffs looked at me like a monster when i could actually finished my portion of food, and giggled outside the pantry. And, I overheard them saying "Wah, Chris' appetite is like a monster!" Gosh, How can I not wish the D-day to be here NOW and get over with all these marks and comments. Emotionally, I have to go through all these craps and forcing myself to laugh it away. Physically, I have to go through the increasing weights of my tummy and breasts which slow down my mobility. Come on, Who goes to the toilet 5 times in one night!?
I started to resent being pregnant when I was week 33. I started to worry and start telling my hubby about my feeling towards my baby. Well, he is a man and he is not going through what I am going through so I do not blame him for not reacting to my complains and worries. Then, I seek alternative - and my only choice - my mother. She told me I cannot put all the blames to my baby, this is the process that every mother has to go through. She told me to be patient and I won't feel all these nonsenses once I see my baby healthily smiling at me.
I am not angry at my baby nor am I resent her existence. I love her so much and I can't wait to see her. These mixture of feeling love and resentment just made me confused. I want Baby Chloe and I love her but the process of it just made me feel a little disheartening sometimes. There is no one that you can share all these feelings, especially when your good friends also unintentionally hurt you with their honest comments sometimes.
Nevertheless, I want to see my baby, I want to love her, kiss her, hold her, feed her, dress her, bath her, play with her, read to her......
Other than myself feeling "can't wait for the baby to come", my hubby is also very thrilled. He's playing with the stroller every now and then, making sure the stroller works properly. He's stroking my tummy every night and get close to my tummy "Baby, go find mummy's pelvic bone and sit with your crown there and prepare to come out la" Frankly, when hubby openly showed his excitement of baby's arrival, it just made me feel everything is worth it.
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