Responsible or Selfish

My best friends have just reminded me that I should be responsible for the decision I made. Any decision made now involved more than just me.

Happiness that earned from being selfish will never lasts. Tolerance and responsible will earn true happiness eventually. It s a matter of time.

My daugthers' happiness matters the most? Nothing to choose? My one and only decision, for my daughters.

Counting down.... to Nursery

13 days left, Chloe will be officially attending Nursery that Papa & Mama registered for her. 

Mama cannot tell how excited I am when I think about sending Chloe to Nursery. The idea of Chloe attending school officially is ...how should I express it? Hmm... Chloe is proceeding to the next phase of her life. Hiyah, simply she is a big girl NOW, no longer a BABY!

Mama can't wait to see Chloe put on her uniform, wear her own socks and shoes, carrying her backpack. Sigh....Ironically, I don't really want to grow so fast so that they can be my BABIES forever and ever. Ya, and I am not COMPLICATED.

My little corner

MaMa's Blogging Zone is my little corner to share my happiness but I also utilize this little corner to express my unhappiness. 

There are so many things that I wanted to complain and put down in words when I was feeling really depressed for the past few weeks. I am a simple woman with a simple mind who is trying very hard to achieve her ideal self. Is that simple enough? My love ONE keeps on telling me that I am a complicated woman, and I denied his judgement of me. How complicated am I when I am just asking a hug from my love ONE every now and then? How complicated am I when I am just asking for a kiss from my love ONE every morning and before bedtime? How complicated am I when I am just asking for a DATE on a weekly basis to gain a little time for a "JUST YOU AND ME" time? How complicated am I when I am just asking for the long-lost intimacy between "YOU AND ME"? 

It seems to me that everything that I listed above was a WRONG thing to ask from him. If I really want to to ask for these from him, I was told to ASK at the RIGHT timing so that he will not be annoyed? Hmm... You have no idea how devastating it is for me to hear such thing from my love ONE. 

I am not an introvert and I am not shy to be more initiative to ask for LOVE. I knew something has changed between us as we mature. So, I suggested for weekly DATE or even a fortnight DATE if he is willing to compromise. Unfortunately, my request had been rejected every time because my love ONE told me that Friday is his drinking nights with his buddy. NO COMPROMISE! He told me to choose some other day. Seriously, I do not have OTHER days in a week. Finished work and reached home every monday to friday at 8.30pm, and sometimes my children don't even get to see me before their bedtime. Monday to Thursday is working day and occasionally gym days for me. I need the exercise to release my stress, it just makes me a happier person. 

I am working on Saturday till noon or sometimes later, but I tried to leave 1pm sharp. Usually, after work, I would go home straight and try every possible way to bring my children out and have some FAMILY TIME. When it comes to dinner time, it is either with my family or his family. Weekend Dinner is always reserved for my family and his family. May I ask, when is the "OTHER" day he was saying? I threw this question back to him, but he just answered me with "JUST NOT FRIDAY, BUT ANY OTHER DAY?"

I really miss him a lot. The "after marriage till before my 2nd pregnancy" period. Haha...Now I am complicated. My love ONE changed a lot after our marriage and especially after our first daughter was born. A truly Good Father & Good Family Man that I couldn't stop praising him. He did not go out drinking WEEKLY, and he spent lots of time with our children. During these period, we hardly quarreled. Even if we did, it was resolved the next day. He definitely showed more patience at that period. My love ONE is losing it, he is turning back to HIMSELF again, just like before who likes to be alone, someone who doesn't care about others and do what he wants to do even though it would make his wife unhappy or even cry. 

Whenever I cry, he never come to me and even try to comfort me. He would yell at me "you f.....g crazy woman". Ya. After a while, I realize it is totally stupid for me to cry and beg for some comforting love from my love ONE because he never buy it. He would try to make it worse and telling me that I am crazy, i am ...... a lot of others words that would hurt me badly until I can't breathe normally.


Sorry..so much of complains. Can't help it. 


Dear my love ONE,


I know you are reading. You might be angry with me for making you a bad person via my blog. You are not BAD, you are just losing the family touch for some reasons. Please come back and bring yourself back to the "PaPa" that I know. Be nice to Chloe, don't yell at her at night when she refused to go to bed. Share our duty in taking care of our children because you know very well that you will be rewarded with lots of closeness and love from your children and wife which MONEY cannot buy. Compromise will make a happier home for your family, and I am sure happier US will definitely make you a happier man, something that you cannot gain from drinking.


I have chosen you as my LEGAL love ONE, and I am not giving up. Let's make our legally LOVE a happily ever after LOVE together with our girls. 


Try...
(1) Don't push away MaMa and call me crazy when I ask for a hug or kiss. Loving is your mentor.


(2) Don't yell at our girls when they are disturbing your sleep. Patience is your mentor. 


(3) Share our duty together and work things out together. Give & Take, we call COMPROMISE to helps us out.


(4) Never sacrifice your family time. Once in a while, you may take leave from family time for emergency business matter or even personally leisure like drinking. You are a BOSS, and I am sure you do not like it if your staffs are taking leave regularly. Same here. 


(5) Please do not show our children violence and inappropriate tv programme. If you really want to watch it, talk to MaMa NICELY see if we can delay the programme later or MaMa to sacrifice the programme and send our children else where while you can continue to watch the programme.


(6) Please do not use Vulgar Language when our girls are around, you have to be a role model. 


(7) Live a life with a plan and schedule, at least you need to know what you are doing NEXT. I am not asking you to plan one day ahead but just asking you "What's NEXT" - I know you don't agree with this. Please try.


(8) Learn to accept that 5 minutes means the REAL 5 minutes and NOT half and hour. Or else, just tell me "Half an hour".


(9)...


(10)...


Love, I am not expecting you to change. It would be insane. Please be yourself but TRY your best to COMPROMISE. You are not a loner living in an island. You are a family man who has a pretty wife and beautiful daughters. 


Your Legally Love,
Wifey a.k.a MaMa

Clarisse's New Progress

Have not been blogging lately...Well, can never leave out the excuse of "busy" + "lazy".

Of course, other than these two little "zees", I have some issues dealing with my love ONE and my EQ now is super-duper weak. 

Anyway, just would like to update a little on Clarisse's New Development. 

She is able to hum a melody and she knows some songs even though she can sing it. She loves the Barney Theme song "I Love You". She is able to sing " I love you" ...then da da da she goes. 

She is learning how to count now. 

Mama : One

Clarisse : Two

Mama : Three

Clarisse : Four

Mama : Five

Clarisse : Six

Mama : Seven

Clarisse : Six

Mama : Nine

Clarisse : Six

Yes, She stops at Six..... I didn't insist her to count from ONE because Chloe did not count from ONE too. 

Clarisse is able to say three syllable words like "Ei Ya Ei Ya OO", "PAPA YA", "ba NANA" , "butterFLY". If you notice the capital and small letters, this is to indicate how Clarisse put an accent on those CAPITAL WORDS. Hmm.... ba (soft) NANA (loud)...something like that. Get it? :P

Clarisse likes to follow her Jie Jie, I won't call Clarisse a copycat but she is learning from Jie Jie. Well, I must say there are some good habits about Chloe that I really like Clarisse to pick up. Unfortunately, I realize that Clarisse is picking more of her bad habits like crying for every single things. :P

Clarisse is a more independent girl as compared to Chloe. At this age, Clarisse likes to eat on her own, she insists to wear her shoes on her own (even though she still can't), she likes to walk on her own, she knows what she likes and what she dislikes, she will inform MaMa if she needs the toilet etc etc. 

Both Chloe and Clarisse are totally different. They progress differently, but I am sure they will learn from each other eventually. 

It is amazing to be a MaMa of my two darlings to see them to grow in their very own special way. I am so fortunate to have such sunshines to be with me even though my love ONE is drifting away from me day by day. God is fair. I am blessed. God compensates my sorrow with my two lovely sweetie pie. :P