Breastfeeding

Fever subsided last Thursday and it didn't return until today (HORRAY~!), and because of this I sort of change my mind that I want to continue breastfeeding since I am no longer sick. Unfortunately, the milk supply is extremely low that I am not able to cope with Baby Clarisse's demand. When I tried to latch on, after 15 mins, she started to kick vigorously and ended up with a cry. I guess there were not enough milk flowing to her and she was hungry. No choice, I got to utilize the stored breastmilk to feed her instead. 

I quickily rush to pump the milk, and it was so depressing to find out that there is not even an ounce of milk after pumping for 15 mins. I feel more depressed now and totally regretted that I had made such as a stupid decision to stop breatfeeding. Now, I want to bf and there is not enough milk. 

I have been struggling to feed with such a low supply for the past few days. I drank fenugreek seed drink every night since last thursday. There is a slight improvement on the milk flow but still not enough to cope with Baby Clarisse's demand. She is feeding on 4 ounce every 3 hourly, and I manage to pump out max of 3 feeds in a day but Baby Clarisse needs minimum of 8 feeds a day. Gosh...no choice, formula is on standby mode now. 

Well, no pressure but I will try my best. Somehow I feel many of the milk ducts are no longer "working". Milk supply is depending on very few milk ducts, the rest seems to get my signal real fast that they went into retire mode completely when I decided to stop quit breastfeeding last week. *Sigh* 

What makes breastfeeding so difficult to end is the BOND between Baby Clarisse and Me. There is nothing in this world can replace such a close bond that we build through breastfeeding. To give up breastfeeding is like giving up such a good chance for a mother and daughter's bond. Of course, it is undeniable that there are many ways of bonding but bond build through breastfeeding is unique, is intimate, is special..... is sweet even though is a though journey.